REALLY ANNOYED!!!
*Warning if you are sensitive...you might refrain from reading this post!*
LOL, well the title says it all. Lately I have been TOTALLY annoyed with parents of kids with Down Syndrome(not all)! Doesn't that sound AWFUL! I know, which is why i need to explain myself.
First of all, I think it has ALOT to do witht he fact that I am coming down off a HIGH fromt he NDSC convention. So then when I see(read about) these parents...these PARENTS(not strangers) who don't "get" it. I am soooo annoyed! OPEN YOU EYES! YOu have a blessing, dang! Just embrace it! QUIT having a recurring pitty party for yourself and get on with your LIFE! LIVE!!! Just LIVE! My goodness...I am truely an optomist..I internalize pesimistic views, turn them around and outwardly live the optimist role. And maybe that is why I just can' understand why people can't GET it??? It isn't the end of the world, it isn't a life sentence...it REALLY is an enhancement.Are there challenges, my god yes, but as with anything in life you HAVE to "role" with it. The crazy thing is YOU HAVE A CHOICE! YOU have the choice! I learned early on, Life is only 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you deal with it! ANd then there are people who have ADOPTED children with Down syndrome who are having a hard time with the Diagnosis.REALLY???? Is that possible? What did you think you were "getting into"? UGH! I know this isn't a very positive post, and I don't care...I gotta say this! ANd Hopefully someone who feels the way I do will read this! Or possibly soemone who might fall intothis catergory read it and "get it"...Often we aer so kind and patient and understanding and afraid to hurt someone's feeling that we sugar coat things to the point, that you might as well be agreeing witht he person...I am not doing that anymore! I won't entertain these notions.I am sorry but it isn't fair!It isn't fair to your CHILD who wasn't given the option to have an extra chromosome or have YOU as a parent!!!
Maybe it is me? Maybe I am way too OKAY with the DX? Maybe because I didn't let Down syndrome get me down or RULE my life or Koby's life, that *I* am the one with the "issue"? Am I supposed to be CRYING all the time, or not loving my child for who he is?? I can't see how that would be the right way of thinking or even an OK way of thinking! If Anyone knew how SERIOUSLY blessed I am, how Koby has Given me SUCH amazing friends and opportunities, how he has taught me more about love and life than I believe I EVER would have learned,if those who PITTY me could walk a while in my shoes, they would be sick to think It is as easy as an extra Chromosome...That is it!!! That saying "An extra Little Chromosome that's all it is you see, where all of you were born with 2, my angel was blessed with 3"....that couldn't be any more true! I think it is shameful that you can't accept life for what it is? Once again maybe I am wrong, but If I am I don't wanna be right! I am Happy! Happy knowing that because I made the choices I have and the outlook I do, my Angel will have a Life FILLED with Patience, Opportunity, Learning, and LOVE!!!!
The other things I am SICK of is the "competition" inside the world of DOWN SYNDROME...People arguing over who's "saying" something is or arguing over who's kid is higher funcitoning, or arguing over which website is best, or arguing over the fact's of whether vitamins are good or not, SMO's are good or not, etc etc etc etc....is this worth is?
I mean seriously stop and ask yourself...IS IT WORTH IT??? Aren't we all in this together? People are letting their ego's and their opinions int he way of he PURPOSE! The promotion of awareness for persons with down syndrome. THat's it...no fighting! WE are all in this " fight" together! Keep your eye on the "prize" and stop straying off on your own agenda's. Those with their own agenda's need to totally focus! THis is getting outta control! I can't tell you the amount of this I have seen lately and I just can't wrap my mind around it...WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER!!!! Doens't matter who came up with what as long as we are all in it for the GOOD of Down Syndrome! Right?or did I miss a memo??
I really could go on and on....and the truth is I am preaching to the choir and I KNOW IT! OH well!!!! Thank YOU for letting me Vent, and thank God for All of our Southern Fried blessings!!!!-Courtney
posted by Court at
4:53 PM
10 Comments:
I can understand where you're coming from with this post, I really can. To a point, I completely agree with you. Deal with the diagnosis and move on. SEE your blessings and accept them for what they are.
However, I don't think you're taking the time to try to understand where others are coming from.
I agree that people need to deal with the diagnosis, get over it and move on with their lives and understand what a wonderful and truly amazing blessing they have been given. However, this is a PROCESS and one each of us go through differently. I'm ecstatic that it was so easy for you, but for others, they may go through and process things differently. It doesn't mean they love their kids less or accept them on a conditional level.
I embrace both my daughters (and my non-DS son) completely. While I do not throw recurring pity parties, at times I am affected by my daughters' limitations and their lag in developemental areas. Does this mean I feel sorry for them or myself? Not at all. It's simply how it is.
I'm a parent. When any of my children fall behind or face an obstacle, I have emotions regarding their circumstances. It doesn't mean I would CHANGE it, it's just part of the process.
I have adopted both of my children who have Down syndrome. I did go through a period of time with my oldest daughter where I did mourn her diagnosis. It's not only possible, but a NORMAL adjustment to having a child with Down syndrome.
I'm sure YOU went through a process when you found out your son was going to be born with T21. While I KNEW my daughter was coming into my life with T21, getting to KNOW her and love her lead me through a similiar process even though we CHOSE to adopt her because of her extra chromosone.
It had nothing to do with not knowing what I was getting into. It had nothing to do with second thoughts or a feeling of disappointment. It simply had to do with me going through the process of REALIZING what her diagnosis meant and how it affected her life.
I didn't want to fix her or make it go away, I simply went through a normal period of adjustment where I processed her diagnosis.
Down syndrome has never gotten me down or ruled my life. I am thankful each and every day that these little girls came into my life.
I haven't experienced any parent who "cries all the time" and I think you can still love your child for who he/she is while still going through the emotions of dealing with the diagnosis. There are limitations my extremely bright son encounters and I feel the same towards him when this occurrs. It's part of being a PARENT, period. Not from being a parent with a child with Down syndrome, but a parent PERIOD.
People don't understand what a blessing these kids are and I get so irritated when people pity me or my children. I don't want you to think I support those who wallow in their pain and refuse to move forward, but I think you need to allow everyone to grieve and deal with their child 's diagnosis without attacking them for not feeling the way you do. It has nothing to do with acceptance, it's just learning to see the positive side of it all and not allow the challenges and negative points to take over.
Again, I agree with what you're saying and I hope I'm not stepping on your toes here, I just wanted to share with you my perspective on this topic.
As for the competition and arguing, that is also a normal part of parenthood and not specific to people who have a child with Down syndrome. It sucks and I hate all the anymosity everyone feels towards one another. What works best for your family works best for your family, but that doesn't mean you should push it on OTHER families that may feel differently or may have found something that works better for THEIR family. If people spent as much time SUPPORTING one another as they do attacking one another, everyone would get a lot further!
I think this is a beautifully worded post and I hope I haven't offended you with my response!
This is a little harsh, I think.
These are our KIDS, of course we will sometimes feel sad when we see them struggle or be affected by ANYTHING-not just Down Syndrome. It is part of loving them. You want the best for them. You want to be superhuman and fix everything, not have them experience any kind of heartache or disapointment. It is because we love them that we feel this way.
Everyone handles things differently.
Hi Court, I made a post about this as well on my blog.
Cathy- Thanks for Reading and responding! YOu make a great point!
I will say that I think you are right these are our kids, ABSOLUTLEY and we would all love to be superhuman as you say and protect them from everything including Down Syndrome. BUT my point is that there has to be a point where you go, "Okay, this is my child, I am NOT superheuman so I must now accept things, do the best I can, and FOR MY CHILD adjust".
That is basically the point I wasn't making very well, due to the sheer frustration of a few things I had come my way yesterday...You have to do it for your CHILD.YOu can't take the Down Syndrome away but you can make the best lives for them you possibly can,so instead of mourning(granted we all go through CRAPPY periods-yes) you gotta just pick yourself up by your bootstraps and press on, becasue my feeling is, if YOU can't accept your child for who they are and love them for who they are....WHO WILL???
Once agin, Thanks a bunch for Posting Cathy, I LOVE to get differning view points! Often we learn alot from that! -Courtney
ps: Your family Is Beautiful I took a peak at your photos!!!CUTE!
Thanks to PJ Mama and Always Chaos, I found your blog today. I also understand where your coming from. I have a 4 month old with DS and I found out prenatally his diagnosis. Finding out when I did gave me a couple months to adjust before he was born. But I still have some family members and friends who don't seem to understand completely that Joey is a blessing and I feel that we were chosen to be his parents.
Jessica- Thanks for reading and posting! Joey is PRECIOUS...OHHH how I miss those baby days!!!!Now I just have an adorable yet CRAZY little toddler, who Loves to get in trouble adn tell me NONONO!!!LOL Thansk again and God Bless-COurtney
Trisomymommy-
I appreciate your input! Well, said!
I want to clarify...I said, Crying all the time *OR* not loving my child...which seperates the two. I think crying would mean you DO love your child,...we all have times where we cried, as you stated especially in the beginning.But then I go on to say OR not loving my child,which I draw from the resentful attitude's and undertones I have heard from people who seemingly can not accept the diagnosis, even after 2,5,9 or 15 years of "living" with the diagnosis. That is my point.You GOTTA do it for your child, you CRY because you love your child, you hurt because you love your child, but you GOTTA live...you can't stay in MOURNING and grieving. ANd if you simply can't move on then okay, but you should seek other options, once again for the sake of your precious child. Yep, I am saying we are in this all together...FOR THE CHILDREN! OT raise awareness and acceptance for the KIDS!!!!
Thanks so much for your input!!!! Once agian I love reading the different points of view, expecially those as well put as yours!!!God Bless-Courtney
As a pre-adoptive parent of a child born addicted to cocaine, I STILL grieve for the potential damage that may have been done - even though there have been absolutely no diagnoses of anything different about her. I grieve because I wish for her every opportunity the world holds - without limits and boundaries. I don't wallow in self-pitty, but I am realistic. There is a huge difference between the recognition that your child has a special need, and letting it kill the rest of your life. As an aside, this was my gripe with most of the blogs out there about infertility - one huge pity-party of how "life is over". Ugh.
Tamara-
EXCELENT way of putting things! Be realistic, yet hopefull!! I love it! Thanks for adding to my blog!!! It is great to have your point of view here! ANd Praise God for your sweetie, sounds like she is doing very well indeed!!! God Bless-Courtney
WEl Tami, I couldn't disagree more! Thanks for your comments, and goood luck to you!!!
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